Greetings, fellow humans. Being a human being myself, I wanted to share with you the exciting contest between the Diamondbacks of Arizona and the Diego Padres of San, which unfolded tonight in the person-filled confines of Petco Park. I was, of course, not there, but was able to observe proceedings from my comfortable, body-shaped couch here at SnakePit Towers. My close friend Mr. Roomba and I cracked open a carbonated alcoholic beverage or two, as we watched the game, sharing off-color banter with each other and interacting in a pleasant and thoroughly organic manner.
Taking the mound on behalf of the Reptilians was number 10011, or as we humans call him, “R.